Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Friendship for Dummies

I have often thought about what about having a friend is comforting and makes life just easy to come by. Now one also often thinks about the different kinds of friends that one does acquire over the years. I ask myself a number of times how did these people become friends and seemingly indispensible.

After great thought I came to the conclusion that the heart of the matter lies in one’s own judgment of people around us. Well, judgment is not all that bad. It’s just the process of understanding if two people would gel. It means just that in this context even though it mutates in other circumstances.

After having established some sort of friendship. One begins to think if the person is close enough to be a close friend or bff as they say. At that point there is one question that comes to mind i.e. “Will he or she be there for me?”. There I come to another question what in the world does that question exactly mean. And there I began thinking again since I do have all the time in the world and college is still a long yawn away.

We pass everyday mundane and ordinary life, doing what we like and hate. Then there are events and circumstances; challenges and problems that seem monumental at the time. One tries to deal with situations and come up on top, ideally stronger and better. And I at least most of the time like to do that without crying bloody God. Then when a number of these ‘events’ take place: the fatigue builds up and patience dwindles. Problems seem unsolvable and challenges, a failure to begin with. At such times one wants a friend to whom on just moans of one’s own inadequacies. Even though our friend doesn’t say anything the act of just saying it out helps a great deal. To my mind that’s what you call being there.

This gets me at another question. What if our friend hasn’t been there in the manner I defined earlier? What do you do? Who do you blame? I was torn between my blasted judgment of people and my friends. That answer I still don’t get because it isn’t as direct as one would like. After rumination on that dilemma one often thinks if one hasn’t let down one’s own friends. May be that’s why they aren’t there when you need them. Now this stage is ever more perplexing.

Then as I went by one feels does one actually have a real friend or friends. This is the scary part. As more often than not one feels either let down or a feeling of guilt of letting someone else down. One begins to question the purpose of the entire exercise of friendship and confidantes thereafter. Is it actually all meaningless since one is going to clean one’s mess on one’s own anyway? One does have to clean one’s own mess but that doesn’t mean one doesn’t need a friend to moan about the clutter.

Up till now I have seemed our friend look like a shrink to moan to. However, the spirit achievement is also dampened if one doesn’t have anyone to share it with. The pat on your back and the words I am proud of you dude, go a long way. Even though, I detest the word dude. The big day seems small and insignificant and one tends to move one in the hope of the next most exciting thing coming up .

There is another curious situation that one encounters more often than not. At least I did. A situation wherein people became friends and friends in turn became close friends who in turn again became indispensable. It’s all fine when ‘events’ come and go with these wonderful individuals still there. One begins not to see beyond the select few or one. Then a situation wherein you let them down or they let you down rocks the boat more than slightly. Either way differences overshoot the distance between friends. Even after sometime when differences are forgotten one can’t restore what was there once in its full glory. Times have moved on and especially people our age, life and its trappings change every few months. Therefore one is at a loss to relate to each other.

And at this point a fish out of water, one loses completely a sense of familiarity. Many parties go by while one stares at one’s blackberry to pretend to BBM someone when there is no one at the other end. One does not want to stay at home since one begins overwork one’s blasted mind. So here we are out of place seemingly no one to moan to. And so life still does go on till the time my blasted judgment does it again. Once bitten, twice is ever bolder. Here’s to friends and the occasional damsel with fluttering eye lashes!